Tonight a friend on Facebook linked to this blog. I looked at it with interest, thankful that the author also seems to veer away from things like IVF and other chemical treatments. It is a site I will be going back to and hope to find some like-minded peers there.
As I perused some of the information on the site, I became somewhat overwhelmed. Give up sugar, alcohol, caffeine, flour, shampoo, and have you ever considered that you might have Celiac Disease? But, I LIKE sugar, shampoo, caffeine, flour, and on occasion, alcohol. I don't want to give those things up! A lot of people get pregnant while eating those things, and alcohol only seems to increase the odds!
I felt like a spoiled brat thinking those things, because there are a lot of women out there right this second who are giving up things in the hope that they will become pregnant. There are a lot of women out there right now who have given up those things because they are pregnant. As well they should.
Now, I would like to have a baby, but I'm not sure what all I am willing to give up at this point to get there. And that got me thinking: am I just being selfish? If I were to get pregnant, I would give up caffeine, alcohol, and sugar, if needed, to keep that baby healthy. But at this point, we're talking about a theoretical baby, one that does not exist. So, am I selfish for not wanting to give things up to perhaps get to the theoretical baby being a real baby? It is entirely possible that I am. I have the utmost respect for women who give up so much for the chance at a child.
Now, one thing I have been thinking about and am trying to make small changes to work toward is a healthier lifestyle. Not easy. I struggle with food and exercise has never been my BFF, so you do the math. But Andy Dufresne dug himself out of prison with a rock hammer, so I suppose small efforts do pay off in the end. :-)
The caution here is a refrain I use often, but have a hard time following: "everything in moderation." While being healthier is great, if we are putting all of our hope in healthiness bringing us a baby, we will be disappointed. Sometimes the healthiest people do not conceive and sometimes the least healthiest do. All of them are loved just the same by our Heavenly Father.
It is a double-edged sword: it would be awful to get to the end of life thinking you avoided EVERYTHING that was bad for you and still didn't have a baby - think of all you missed out on. On the other hand, it would be awful to get to the end of your life and wonder if you had made healthier choices if a baby would be yours - think of all you missed out on.
I remember my Mom having the same question-there were all kinds of crazy diets that some people thought would cure them, or there's leaving home to go try some treatment somewhere else-and possibly missing your last 6 months at home with your family. It's impossible to know, and that stinks.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being brave. Love you.
It is impossible to know. Thank you for sharing that about your Mom - she was a wise lady. Love you, too.
DeleteMy friend Brandy directed me to your blog, and I've just been sort of perusing through some of your posts. I thought this one looked like a good one to comment on. :) I struggle with some infertility issues too, although I've never actually been diagnosed or anything. Having irregular (sometimes nonexistent) cycles and having a hard time getting pregnant both run in my family, although both my mother (obviously) and my 2 sisters have been pregnant more than once. My oldest sister used medicine to get pregnant though. My husband and I have been trying for around 7 years. I had a little blood work done a while ago and asked about taking clomid or something, but she said she'd have to refer me to a specialist and go through all of the ultrasounds and everything...not just simply taking medicine. It sounded expensive and more than I wanted to get into at that time. Now, I'm on 2 medicines to help with slightly off-balanace hormones, and my cycle is at least improving! I have hope. I'm almost 29 now, and I would really love to have a baby, or at least get pregnant, before I turn 30.
ReplyDeleteRight now we're doing foster care. We went into it wanting to adopt if possible - both of us are okay with adopting. It would be nice to have a biological child of my own, but he was adopted and we know several people who have adopted, so I'm okay with that too. So far we've only fostered 1 4-year-old for under 2 months and currently a brother and sister - 2 year old and 3 1/2 year old. We've had them for over 8 months. It will be hard seeing them go, but knew from the start they would be going home. I guess when we went into fostering, my view on it was, I want to be a mother. I want to help raise children in a Godly way. If God wants to give me my own baby, great! In the meantime, why go through all that mess of doctor stuff when I can just foster kids who need help anyway? That was my logic. I'm still holding to it, but as 30 approaches, I just may change my mind. :)
As for this post, I've been there. I don't like to give up things either. Early one, I started taking medicine for my thyroid, and I'm pretty sure they started me on way too high of a dose. I lose a lot of hair anyway, but it started getting worse. I though to myself, "Do I want to be bald with a baby, or do I want my hair." I chose my hair and stopped the medicine. I'm taking it again now on a more manageable dose, but things like that always make me wonder as well, "Am I being selfish? Do I really want a baby?"
Sorry so long of a "comment." More like my life story, huh? Lol!
Hi Dusty,
DeleteI'm glad you commented, be it "life story" or otherwise! I'm also glad Brandi directed you to this blog. It is very much a work in progress. I really admire your desire to provide foster care for children who need it. We have talked about that, but we're not there yet. It would be SO hard for me to say good-bye. It is not off our radar; I know if we are to do it, then God will give us the strength and willingness to do it.
It is interesting that your doctor immediately jumped on the fact that Clomid and tests are expensive. They are, for sure, but it seems like a lot of doctors are more than willing to go right there or beyond. I'm not anti-treatment; I do think people should know what is happening with their bodies and what their options are. As we get more information about what it happening with our bodies, it is very tempting to give more and more control to the doctors who give us the information, instead of to the One who has made us, and often without truly consulting ourselves. I will get off the soapbox now. Just ask questions, that's all I'm saying. :)
No matter what you and your husband choose, it will be the right thing for you, and it probably won't be easy, as I'm sure you know from your family's infertility issues.
It makes me feel less along to know that you've had the "am I being selfish" thoughts, too. It's a tricky business, and I think we're all pretty hard on ourselves.
I look forward to sharing our journeys. Feel free to comment or email me anytime.
Katrina