Thursday, August 30, 2012


I haven't posted in quite a while, and unfortunately this is not going to be some well thought out, deeply meaningful post.  In fact, it is probably going to by whiny and negative and probably kinda judgmental.  Not how I usually strive to be, but here it is.  (So if you're less than impressed and/or highly irritated by negativity, just skip this one.  Seriously.)

Facebook, you kill me.  I have endured more pregnancy announcements than I thought possible.  I have congratulated just about every dang person who has posted cutsie pictures, clever announcements, "aren't you all surprised (but not really)" posts, "oops, we're just SO fertile" posts, clever posts, not-so-clever-posts, and so many more ways to tell people you're going to have a baby.  Many of these people, were it not for Facebook, would never make this announcement to me especially, but because we're Facebook friends, I get it all.  And I'm never prepared for it, which makes it worse.  I'm scrolling, reading things like how expensive people's dinners were or how much they had to do today and WHAM....WHAM WHAM.  BABIES!!!  BABIES, BABIES, BABIES. 

Then there is the fact that the vast majority of my friends have children and want to Facebook brag about them.  As they should.  So, I get that, I'm coping, and then it becomes all about being a mother.  And how when you're a MOTHER, everything changes and your life is just so blasted wonderful and you can't imagine a better life.  Hmm, so if we never have children, my life can't be as good as yours?  Seriously?  And don't you think I already wrestle with that concept ALL THE TIME?  Wondering if my life will always be incomplete because I didn't have kids?  And with the election season, this has somehow gotten worse, as more and more people post more and more things and the politicians try to reach out to . . . you guessed it!  Mothers!

But tonight took the cake.  Scrolling along, seeing what's up, reading a post about my cousin getting free chicken nuggets, and all of a sudden there is a BREAST.  (A completely separate post than the chicken nuggets, in case you're trying to figure that one out.)  Granted, there is a baby attached to it and I know that breast feeding is ideal for a baby, blah, blah, blah, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF IT ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE.  It was actually something someone had posted on a Pinterest board about breastfeeding, but really?  And to add insult to injury, this is someone who is recently pregnant after trying to have a baby for 8 years and recently being told it would never happen.  And then she got pregnant, as many of those stories seem to go.  So she dealt with this for 8 years and doesn't stop to think that posting a picture of a suckling infant on Facebook might be hurtful to someone??  Rub some more salt in the wound, why don't ya?

I know that NONE of this is done to hurt me or anyone else.  I know that people are proud and loving parents who want to share their joy with the world.  And I DO want to know what is happening in people's lives, otherwise I suppose I would just give up on Facebook altogether.  I have some super-considerate friends on Facebook, too.  One couple had a baby in the last year, and although they talk about her and post the occasional photo, they more often than not give a link to her photo page, so if you want to, you can look at as many pictures of her as you want.  And most friends are very balanced in their posts.  They talk about their kids, their spouses, their jobs, their exercise, their days, etc.  And truth be told, I certainly care more about their families and big life events than I do about their exercise routines, and I care about THEM. 

I guess what I'm saying is just . . . that I wish people would take a little more care, but I realize that may not be realistic or fair.  And I can always control what comes into my Facebook world.

Okay, I am done with that long negative rant.  I did have a very positive breakthrough this past weekend, so stay tuned!  I hope to get that posted over the upcoming long weekend


  1. The cult of motherhood is bad for everyone-unrealistic and often downright idolatrous.

    1. betsyann, thank you for that. How do people resist "the cult of motherhood?" Do they even try?

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  3. Wow, betsyann... very insightful. Katrina, I don't think that most people try to resist, because the idea of anything related to motherhood being bad is unfathomable to most. Although I can see the absolute truth in betsyann's statement, I certainly never thought about the institution of motherhood in that way. I suspect that most don't. Our culture makes that feel like an inappropriate perspective. But in truth, anything can be given over to idolatry. And as much as I gain from sites like FaceBook and Pinterest and many others, they do often present a picture perfect, unrealistic image of motherhood. Are we really helping ANYONE like that? Those who are not mothers are depressed that they can't experience this nirvanna, and those who are mothers feel like failures because they can't live up to the image. Of course being a mom is great in many ways. It should be celebrated and all parents should strive to be even better for their kids, but the reality is that parents and parenthood are not now, nor will they ever be perfect. Neither are they the goal, or the absolute fulfillment of life. If we moms live that way, we will find ourselves depressed, defeated, and one day when our little chicks leave the nest, we will also be very lost and empty.

  4. Sorry K-I didn't see your reply-need to set up notifications or something.

    Exactly BeinsFamily! This is why we have "helicopter" mothers who are still calling when their kids are seniors in College! to ask why their graduation check was denied (my sister's job for a while. She was floored the first time an angry mother called her)

    I think it contributes to "baby blues" too-we tell women to expect this "amazing rush of love like nothing they've ever experienced" and we're just not all built that way. We set women up for disappointment and ridiculous guilt.

    How do you avoid it? I think it's what my Mama told me when Anna was born. She looked me in the eyes and said: "Remember the Mama is a person too." Love your kids, but don't forget to be who God made YOU to be.

  5. BeinsFamily and betsyann: I love the fact that this very cool, thought-provoking discussion about motherhood is happening on a blog about infertility and that it is an encouragement to ALL.

    I should always find my identity in Christ, not circumstances, not accolades, not married or non-mother. Just Christ. And just like parenthood should be celebrated, so should LIFE. Beautiful, wonderful, mysterious LIFE.

    Thanks, dear friends. I am blessed beyond words to have you in my life.